Thanks Giving

I love Thanksgiving.  I love that it's family-centre holiday, even if this year my family consists of only me and my better half.  I love the opening of the Christmas season. I love the break from work, which I'll have to imagine this year, as there is none at our school (Come on, Chinese Near Year!). I am fortunate enough to have seasons and seasons of great memories of our family going to my sister's house for days of fun-filled together time.  I still miss making the gingerbread houses, but everyone knows it's mostly because of the incredible variety of candy.
I think it's a healthy exercise to list what's going right in your life, what you're grateful for, and now I have some scientific evidence to back up that gut feeling.  Below is an article from my paper of record, the NY Times, in which we get to read once again what we already know, count your blessings, and relish in your good fortune.  It was in the same edition of the paper that featured a picture of a man who is living in a tent this week outside of Best Buy in anticipation of Black Friday..... Could they not have focused on the most positive message below, I ask you?
BTW, I am very grateful for everyone in my life, whether you read this blog or not, although I have a special place in my heart for those who do, a gesture of love if ever there was one. I am particularly grateful this year for the access to medical care that we in America enjoy, as it is helping to heal 2 very special people in my life.
Happy Thanksgiving to all.  Crank up that Christmas music and sing a tune for me as well. We'll be attending a Thanksgiving dinner at our school, on Wednesday evening for some reason, but the effort is what counts.

AS Thanksgiving approaches, so does the holiday shopping season. Once again, a day traditionally meant to celebrate gratitude will inaugurate a month of rampant consumerism.

As a psychologist who studies decision making, I’m acutely aware that marketers know how the mind works, and they aren’t hesitant to use that knowledge to stoke consumers’ desires and lessen their self-control. Tactics emphasizing scarcity (“only 10 televisions at this price in stock”) and delayed cost (“0 percent interest until 2016”) are employed to great effect.

Such tactics prey on one of the mind’s greatest vulnerabilities: the innate human preference for rapid reward, or immediate gratification. Most people, for example, would opt to receive $20 today rather than $100 in a year, even though, logically speaking, an investment guaranteed to quintuple your money in 12 months is hard to beat.

This phenomenon, known as temporal discounting, often plays a central role in impulse-buying decisions. To the extent that retailers can increase your impatience for reward or otherwise evoke a sense of urgency in you, your belief that a pleasurable expenditure is worthwhile increases, while the rewards of saving and investing that money appear more and more distant.

Can we, as shoppers, resist?

Of course we can. We all have a proclivity for immediate gratification, but we are also all capable of self-control. The real question is: How do we ensure that we exercise that control?

A natural suggestion is to rely on willpower. But when it comes to holiday shopping, that is likely to fail. Research has shown that willpower tends to be limited. Each successful exercise of it actually increases the likelihood of subsequent failure if temptations come in quick succession (as they do, for instance, in shopping malls).

So rather than trying to override your decision-making impulses, a better strategy might be to try to change them. And recent research suggests that an effective way to do that is by cultivating the emotion of gratitude.

That’s right: As hokey as it sounds, the solution to the shopping season’s excesses may lie in the very message of Thanksgiving itself.

Psychologists have long known that negative emotions like anger and fear can alter decisions (often for the worse), but until recently, we haven’t focused on the effects of positive emotions on decision making. The emotion of gratitude, viewed from a cost-benefit perspective, stresses the long-term value of short-term sacrifice (e.g., If I’m grateful to you for a favor, I’ll work hard to repay it and thereby ensure you’ll help me again in the future). Consequently, my colleagues and I suspected that gratitude might also enhance patience and self-control.

To find out, we asked 75 people to recall and describe in writing one of three events: a time they felt grateful, a time they felt amused or a typical day. We next asked them 27 questions of the form “Would you rather have $X now or $Y in Z days?” where Y was always greater than X, and Z varied from days to months.

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To make the stakes palpable, we sometimes paid actual money. For example, if someone said he’d rather have $55 now as opposed to $75 in 61 days, we handed him the cash.

Answers to these questions allowed us to calculate how financially patient people were. As we reported in an article in Psychological Science earlier this year, those feeling neutral (the ones who described their daily routine) demonstrated the usual preference for immediate reward: On average, they viewed receiving $17 now as equivalent to getting $100 in a year. Those feeling happy and amused were similar: On average, they would sacrifice $100 in a year for $18 in the moment.

But those feeling grateful showed almost double the financial patience. They required $30 in the moment to forgo the $100 reward a year from now. What’s more, the amount of patience people possessed was directly tied to how grateful they felt.

What these findings show is that certain emotions can temporarily enhance self-control by decreasing desires for immediate gratification. While feeling happy doesn’t do much to increase patience, feeling grateful does.

So if you’re looking to avoid impulse-buying this year, take time not only to celebrate with your friends and family, but also to count your blessings. You may find that the easiest way to thwart retailers’ enticements as you peruse the shopping aisle isn’t to try to resist what you want; it’s to be thankful for what you have.

David DeSteno, a professor of psychology at Northeastern University, is the author of “The Truth About Trust: How It Determines Success in Life, Love, Learning, and More.”

Korean Food At Its Best

One of the nicest things in my job thus far is getting to know some of my colleagues, and also learn more about the many cultures they hail from.  We have some lovely New Zealand families in our compound that we join to wait for the morning bus, along with a couple from Columbia and England and their cute 2-year-old, and the new hire from Fiji, who lives near the women from Korea and Portugal.  I hit it off with a fun Korean woman at orientation and she has been promising to organize a night of Korean food for some time, and was able to pull us together last weekend for an unforgettable meal of Korean delights. 

Meats ready for the Grill

I’ve long been a fan of Korean food, particularly Chap Chae and bulgogi, and my friend Pearl picked a beautiful refined restaurant with a great view of the main lake of Suzhou in which to enjoy Korean food in all its richness . Perhaps the most delicious food of the evening was those small little dishes that come at the beginning of each meal and touch every taste bud.  There is something for everyone, and the obligatory kim chee, touted as perhaps the healthiest food one can eat (pickled cabbage with lots and lots of red chili paste) is always included. 

I like most of the other dishes, and S. always dives into the kim chee. 

I discovered a new friend with the delicately flavored sesame leaf which was used to make a wrap with beef and pickled cabbage.  I couldn’t get enough, and perhaps ate more than I should have, but I was feeling it, what can I say!  The flavors were spot on, the dishes so well seasoned and meticulously prepared, I felt it was my duty to give it my full attention.
 The company was equally delightful, with my fellow 4^th grade teacher from Australia and his Indonesia wife to my left, a light-hearted fun loving Canadian woman to my right, and a fun Australian couple across from me.  It’s been interesting to see how these IB families operate, how they move their kids and belongings from place to place with grace and through it all remain open and friendly.  It’s sometimes odd to be in the distinct minority as an America, but probably very healthy.  I admit I sometimes enjoy a laugh with an American about something only we would find funny, but it’s been very enriching to have new friends from new places with new ways of thinking and doing things.  The ones from English speaking countries have some very hard-to-comprehend accents, but that also provides some good laughs as well.

Beef ready for the sesame leaf and pickled cabbage

Getting Lost....Yet Again

I am accustomed to getting lost, and I routinely allow extra time for it, and it usually doesn’t phase me.  I expect it to happen like the stop lights turning colors.  It's routine, but nothing to worry about.  This time, however, I was surprised, irritated, and out of ideas as to how to get home.  It began as a run from my apartment to the nearby arboretum, and ended after a long hour of wandering through the various paths and crannies of its far reaches.  I usually stick to an easy loop around the small lake in the middle, then back out and back to our apartment down the same street, but that day I was feeling wild, so I took a right where I usually take a left.  That’s the last thing I remember with any clarity. 

I ran to the left, then ran back to the right. I ran toward the lake, then away from the lake.  Several times I ended at the OTHER end of the arboreteum, where two smoking Chinese men waved at me, thinking I as retracing my steps as part of my regimen.  After about 20 minutes my feet hurt, and the sun was setting.  The arboretum has several golf carts that it uses to haul around prospective brides and grooms and their photographers as they go from one scenic spot to another for a photo shoot. [Note:  In China it’s very common to have elaborate photo shoots pre-marriage, and they often rent the gowns, tuxs, and other costumes for it.  I saw at least 3 couples in Mao costumes striking propaganda like poses, and wondered if they were dressing in those uniforms as a joke, or sincerity, but I had no time (or linguistic skills) to find out.  I ran by the large costume rental shop at least 3 times, but I couldn’t get you there again on a bet.]  I asked at least 3 different drivers where my street was.  I am certain I was saying the right question, but it was met with blank stares, and a shrug.  One fellow actually repeated the name of the street, then said it again with recognition in his voice, but then he pointed me toward the lake, which I knew was not the way home.  

I was supposed to meet S at the entrance gate 30 minutes ago,  he on his motorcycle, and I had visions of him coming round the corner to save me, until I remembered no motorcycles were allowed in he park.  My knight was not coming this time; I was on my own, and had to use the small tool box of my directional wits to get me out of this one.  

I finally got out, but I have no idea how.  S wasn’t waiting at the gate; I assumed he went home and prepared to call Chengdu daughter for emergency Mandarin to file a missing persons report.  

I have some suggestions for the world in general for those of us who are directionally challenged.  (1) Plan any public space on a grid, north goes directly south, and east goes to west.  It works for Manhattan people, and that island is not square to begin with.  (2)  Have emergency phones that people like me can use placed strategically around the world, and (3) ask that people like me be implanted with a GPS homing device like the pigeons.

When I got home, I was amazed how lost I’d gotten, but also quite curious as to where I’d been.  I was wishing I had the ability to see a bird’s-eye-view of my wanderings, but that might have been depressing, in case I was quite close to the exit the whole time.  I am ready for old age, because I’ve already got a rep for this type of getting-lost behavior, and I just own it.  S has suggested I return to my predictable route, and carry a phone.  That prompted a discussion about fanny-packs, which I am not prepared to being sporting.  If I don’t post a blog for another few weeks, check the missing-persons bureau for a picture of yours truly.  There are worse places to get lost, I would say in my defense; at least I have good taste in scenery.

A Blast from our Recent Past

What a Hoot!  "India’s government would like to boost tourism by turning a historic neighborhood into a bustling cultural hub, but many don’t want the noise and congestion it could bring.”  This was the headline in today’s NY Times, obviously written by someone with an epic sense of humor or someone who has never ever stepped a foot into India.  Making something into a “bustling cultural hub” could only improve what is on the street currently, and as for  noise and congestion, those descriptions are synonyms for India’s streets.  Still, I got a great yuk from it, so thanks NY Times!  I especially enjoyed it after reading about the spanking the Democratic Party took yesterday in the legislative elections.   I didn't think Iowa could produce a buffoon larger than Steve King, but it seems I may be wrong. The Palin wanna be was elected...that's just an embarrassment, plain and simple.

I do miss reading the local news, since the yuks abounded in India, but I'm not going to learn to read Mandarin in my life time, so one can only imagine what light hearted sundries I am missing.  I may take to reading the Indian papers again.

Halloween, or, um...Book Week?

Last week at our school was Book Week.  There were various activities throughout the week to celebrate books, and on Friday there was a costume parade where teachers and students chose a favorite book character to dress up as.  About a month ago a tailor came to our staff room during the lunch hour (we have an hour for lunch!) and took measurements and pictures of costumes the staff had in mind.  She also took a lot of money, around 50 US Dollars on average, which is why I didn’t get in the line.  I was talking to a colleague at lunch about how much I enjoyed dreaming up a hand-made costume with Sister #1, and told her who I wanted to be  She quickly said I should just wear a sweater and sweat pants of grey,, and make a cool mask.  I already had a two-dimensional mask of this character (Gerald the elephant from Mo Willems’ wonderful books of Elephant and Piggie), so I was in business.  However, the colleague across the hall took one look at my flat mask, and whisked it away for some improvement.  Two days later, I had an enormous paper mache trunk, supported by a head-gear like apparatus over my head.  In my defense I did paint 3 toes on all 4 of my “feet”, and did a respectable job.   You can see the result of my friend’s efforts here:

As regards the non-Halloween Halloween-like celebration:  it was quite different from a U.S. elementary school celebration, mostly because many students sported plastic knives, swords, machetes, guns of all makes, and the occasional cross bow. The Americans on our staff were rather appalled, but then a Korean friend said perhaps it didn’t register with them as something alarming because when they saw a plastic weapon, they just saw it as another type of toy.  I didn’t jump into a harangue about the domino effect to a less-than-cautious attitude toward weapons , but she had a point.  

I held a “real Halloween” party for 3 classes of ESL students, and I have to report that Ed Emberley still rocks, and that orange Halloween book is a classic.   The students loved drawing witches, bats, and haunted houses, and so did I.  I think I have one more school Halloween in me, but I believe that will be sufficient.  I’m ready to hang up my capes, fangs, and ball gowns for some comfortable shoes and a pair of jeans.  I foolishly purchased tickets to the Chinese Opera for the evening of the 31^st, and I made it about 10 minutes into the production before I woke myself up when my head fell off S’s shoulder.  Halloween is a younger gal’s sport.  PICS HERE:  https://flic.kr/s/aHsk5gGcW5

As you look at some pics I took of the people on parade, note that being a princess is still part of many girl’s dreams, and the boys still love any super hero or monster they can find.  Some things never change.